Hello Theseeker,

I’m so sorry your daughter and mother are separated from you. That’s a terrible pain to bear, and it’s with you all the time.

You wrote,
However, if death is such a beautiful thing why does it cause so much pain.

It’s because of who we are as people in our eternal lives today. We all have pretty much the same feelings about the separation called death. From the deceased point of view, life is wonderful and fulfilling, although they do wish with great desire and some sadness, that they could just let us know they’re fine and not to worry about them. So they’re fine. It’s we who can’t feel that comfort and reassurance, because of the way we were reared.

The separation results in profound sadness. And all I can do is answer your question by telling you about where we are today in our understanding of death. I don’t want to minimize your pain, and I’m not implying that we need to just get over it when someone dies. We won’t get over it.

Our pain at the loss is because of what we’re missing. We miss the touch and the sound of their voice. We miss being able to do things together and celebrate holidays and birthdays together. But it is our own missing what we want that creates the grief, not where they are or how they’re doing. They’re fine. In the future, as humankind matures into understanding death, we’ll more deeply and surely realize that the separation is temporary, that they’ve never left us, but we have a different relationship with them. It will be more like seeing our loved one off on a plane trip as they go to a country we know little about, but they’ll be out of touch because there is limited communication. We know that after a few years, we’ll be reunited, and during that separation, occasionally a message will get through from them. We’re very sad at their not being with us, especially at special times, but we’re confident we’ll see them again.

That’s what it will come to be in our understanding of death. It is just a temporary separation, and unlike when they’re in a distant country on Earth where they could be harmed, in the afterlife there is no death, there is no pain, there is no tragedy—they’ve happy and going on with their eternal lives. They think of us and even visit, wishing they could communicate freely just a we wish it. But they have the same difficulties communicating that we have, so they can't do it easily, even though they want to.

So the pain we feel today (and I don’t want to minimize it!) is because of where we are as a species in our understanding of death. It doesn’t have to be that devastating, but it will be now—I’m not saying it won’t be.

You wrote,
My daughter always seem to be there with me even though I prayed or her and told her I would be okay. . . . I also dreamed visiting dreams where I would be in a beautiful strange place but peaceful not scary, somewhat familiar, then suddenly my daughter would be there. I embraced her crying always crying and very happy to see her. I knew I was just visiting.

Yes, you are spending time with her. You actually do more of that than you realize, but we don’t remember that part of our dreaming. Enjoy those moments and be assured that they are visits with her.

You wrote,
I don't have many of them now but I have shut down spiritually not as open as before when I was having the dreams.

Oh, don’t do that. Please don’t do that. She wants the contact. I realize it may feel to you like it’s one way, but you mustn’t feel that way, and you mustn’t give up on talking to her. Talk to her regularly. When something happens, share it with her. When you’re celebrating something, know she’s there and acknowledge it. Keep contact. Keep up the communication. Then, occasionally, you’ll get that message from her to you when you least expect it. It means she found a way to get a thought or a feeling or a sign that you know unmistakably is her through the fog between us.

The more open you are to hearing from her, the more likely it will happen. That doesn’t mean it will happen when you want it or regularly, and don’t get too frustrated or feel it's your fault when it isn’t what you want or doesn't come as often as you want. It just means that when the time and conditions are right, you’ll hear from her when you least expect it. Don’t shut off the communication.

Meditate every day and have what may seem like one-way conversations. Be open to feelings, not words. You’ll get the feelings more easily. The sudden memory or the feeling of love is her. And be assured that they are your daughter and your mother. Be open to them and enjoy them.

Love and peace, Craig